Monday, May 4, 2009

Things You Don't Say To Your Dad

There are certain phrases you really never think you’ll use in conversation with your father. Dirty Sanchez would be one.

About a month ago, I took the boy to meet my dad at the Archery Club, so he could practice. The girl insisted that we go in too, because she wanted to see Pap. By which she meant “see Pap and have him give me chips and pop”. Anyway, we were sitting at the bar while my dad was working on the boy’s bow, and I noticed the menu. It was typical bar food: fries, burgers, nachos, Dirty Sanchez, cheese sticks.

Wait, WHAT????

After I got done choking on a chip, I regained my composure (mostly) and asked, “Um…Dad…ah……what’s a Dirty Sanchez?”

“A hot dog”, he answered.

“Oh. Does it have…um…chili on it or something?”

“No, it’s just a hot dog.”

“Just a plain hot dog? It doesn’t have, say, brown mustard?”

“No! I am trying to get this done – why do you keep asking me this stuff? It’s just a big hot dog!”

At that point, I just shut the hell up and finished my chips.

Then about a week ago, we were in the car and mr b, being a giant asshat who doesn’t pay attention to what he says in front of the kids (see: the Great What’s a Rim Job Debacle of Ought Seven) , and he throws out Dirty Sanchez. And as I am giving him the Are You Fucking Kidding Me Evil Eye, the kids pipe up from the back seat, “Dirty Sanchez! We had those!”

I let mr b choke for a while before I explained that it was just a big hot dog. He deserves it for saying Dirty Sanchez in front of the kids.

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Magpie said...

Good one!

Karen said...

Being the good prude that I am, I had to google to find out what you were talking about. Thanks. Thanks a lot. I'll never be the same again.

Michelle said...

It has to be something other than a big hot dog, right? Right? But after reading Karen's comment, I refuse to find out for myself.

Nap Warden said...

OK...I had to Google it too. I guess I'm a prude;)

mdx3mom said...

That is just worng!

I am like Karen I had to google it. Nasty. I am glad that I have Never heard of it before. And like you HAD I known what it meant and the man said it in front of the kids! He would have gotten more than a look.

jaded said...

This is exactly the same reason I don't mention the phrase camel toe at the dinner table.

Burgh Baby said...

What is it with men and their need to say things in front of kids? Urgh.