Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Tweedle Drunk

I’m a bit crabby today. The past few days have been those kind of high stress parenting days. The ones where the kids drive you absolutely nuts with their fighting and bitching and nonsense and bullshit. And if your kids don’t fight and bitch and aren’t full of all kinds of nonsense and bullshit, I don’t want to hear about it. I won’t believe you anyway. Besides - your kids are probably cute, right? Well, we all think our kids are cute, me included. And when they are babies, we look at them and think, Man, I’m so happy I have a cute kid. But I have learned something - don’t be happy you have a cute kid. Because the cuteness of the child is directly proportional to the evil. That’s why god made them cute - so you LET THEM LIVE when they are puling all the fighting and bitching and nonsense and bullshit.

I've been home with a semi-sick child the past two days and it’s been delightful. Really. She’s at that point of being just sick enough to have to stay home from school, but not sick enough that she doesn’t want to whine at me all day, tear up my house, make demands and boss. And then the boy comes home and she pokes him and then he pokes her and then I want to poke the both of them.


Some of the stress is internal – it comes from the whole working from home guilt. I am lucky enough to be able to work from home when necessary, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel like a heel when I have to. Part of that is me, but part comes from the childless contingent. We have all seen the fallout of the working vs stay at home mommy wars, but I am telling you – the parents vs childless in the workplace wars are just as brutal.

I work with a few people who get an attitude about people who take off/work from home/whatever because of their kids. Meanwhile, I have a ton of days to take if I need them. I get my work done from home. I never do anything that isn’t approved by the higher ups. And yet, there’s still that…I don’t know…air of disapproval. One person in particular has actually said things to me about other parents. Of course this person isn’t talking about me though. I’m not like them. Fuck that. I am like them. I’m a parent who has a career. someone who has to make difficult choices about work and family. Insult them and you are insulting me, no matter what you might say. FUCK THAT.


I was talking to some coworkers about people sending their kids to school sick. While I understand the outrage over it, I can also sympathize with the parents. I am lucky enough to have vacation time. I am lucky enough to be able to work from home. But there are a lot of parents out there (especially in these times) who don’t have any options – who won’t get paid or will lose their jobs if they don’t show up. I don’t want a sick kid going into school, but I can’t crucify the parents, either. I’m sure some of them are just assholes (@RockingPony gave a good example of this today on twitter), but I know some are between a big fucking rock and a very hard place and I sympathize with them. Hell – even though I do have options, I am feeling the pressure after 2 days of working from home. I have the familiar dilemma of whether she’s well enough to go to school or if I am taking advantage of my lenient workplace if I stay home with her another day. It sucks.


And speaking of the childless, I had a friend tell me today about a coworker who is one of those know-it-all types about kids. I hate those. Apparently this woman is one of the “My child will never” types. Fine, let her enjoy her little “MY child will never. . .” fantasy. Because those of us in the know are well aware that that one goes right out the window along at least once or twice. Like “MY child won’t be eating McDonald’s (Yes. Yes she will. Because there will come a time when you just don’t care what they eat as long as there’s something in their mouth and you can’t hear the screaming)”, “MY child isn’t going to watching TV (When the choice is TV or killing them because they won’t leave you alone for ONE FUCKING SECOND, much less long enough t have sex ever again? TV it is)”, “MY child will eat whatever I put in front of her (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!)”, “I’LL never use a video as a babysitter (you will if you ever want to take a shit in piece again)” and “MY child will never sleep in my bed (Go to sleep. Go To Sleep. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, CHILD, IF I DON’T SLEEP SOON I’M GOING TO DIE. FINE, COME IN HERE AND JUST SHUT UP AND GO TO SLEEP!)”


The past week hasn’t been entirely bad, though. We marched in the Halloween parade:

em marching

em marching 2

We went trick or treating with the little bride:

trick or treat

em school4

We celebrated the girl’s sixth birthday several times, including one magnificent cake thanks to my SIL Weenie:


And we went to the Annual Scabs the Clown Drunken Halloween Extravaganza (wearing our fed-up response to the skanky costume trend):


Just call us Tweedle Drunk and Tweedle Drunker



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Magpie said...

I know well the guilt of the office - especially from my childless, unmarried boss - who is sometimes incredibly supportive, and sometimes just a horse's ass. Argh.

Your girl is adorable.

spoon said...

Ya know, if you ever need to vent AND you've had some beverage... 412-223-7438. Don't worry, I'll bleep your name :)

Thankfully I'm in an office where everyone has kids around the same age but when I worked at Ericsson someone sneezing was a freakin issue taken to HR.

meno said...

Before i had children, i vowed, after borrowing a crusty child seat for a visiting child, that i would never feed my child in the car.

HahahahhahahahahhahahahahaHA! What an idiot i was.

Karen said...

Octomom?! Genius. Love it.

That girl of yours looks so very much like you.

Swistle said...

This is such a good post----it just totally captures the ROILING MASS OF ASSORTED STRESSES.

For a couple of years when Paul was out of work, I worked while he was home with the kids. I never had to take time off for the kids, and so some of the childless co-workers thought they could vent to me about our co-workers who DID have to take time off for the kids. And I was like HELLO, I have a STAY-AT-HOME PARENT at my house. It's not that I'm SO GOOD about not "letting" kid responsibilities take me away. If he were working too, SOMEONE would have to deal with the sick kids.

Maggie said...

Wow you've had a rough week. I'm sorry.

It's as though people without children somehow think kids can be just thrown in a cage for the day while you make sure to come to work.

The 'my child' lady. Oh man, LMAO. Won't she be eating crow. And if by some miracle her child does all that, she won't have any hair or sanity left, I can guarantee that one.

Hang in there.