Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Good Afternoon. Not Greyhound Speaking.

This is a conversation that I have every single day that I am in the office. In fact, most days I have it many times:

“Rrrrrriiiinnnnggg”

“Good Morning, Awesome Company, can I help you?”

“Yeah, what time is the bus to Cleveland?”

“I’m sorry, you must have the wrong number”

“Oh. I need the bus schedules number. Give that to me”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t help you. You have called the wrong number.”

“This isn’t Greyhound?”

“No, I’m sorry, it’s not.”

“Well, then, who is it?”

“Awesome Company.”

“Who?”

“Awesome Company”

“And you can’t tell me when to get the bus to Cleveland?”

“No, I’m sorry. We don’t have anything to do with Greyhound.”

“Well, are you involved in travel at all?”

“No.”

“Is this 1-800-XXX-XXXX?”

“No.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Well, can you transfer me to the right person?”

“No. Like I said, we aren’t affiliated with Greyhound at all. You’ll have to recheck the number and try again.”

“Hmmm. . .”

“OK. Sorry I can’t help you. You have a nice day anyway.”

“So you can’t help me with the bus?”

“No.”

“Do you know who could?”

“Well, Greyhound, I assume. Which we are not. You’ll have to call the correct number for that”

“Do you have that number?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t”

“OK, then. . .bye”

“Bye”


40 seconds later. . .

“Rrrrriiiinnnggg”

“Good Morning, Awesome Company. Can I help you?”

WHO is it, now?”

“Awesome Company.”

“Huh?”

“Awesome Company.”

“You’re not Greyhound?”

“No.”

**click**

This happens approximately eleventy-seventeen times a day. Now, I don’t mind wrong numbers. It happens to the best of us. But when you call, and I say the company’s name when I answer and said name is not Greyhound? You can pretty much assume that YOU HAVE NOT REACHED GREYHOUND!!!!!!

Asking “Is this Greyhound” fifteen times will not change anything. I will be much less friendly after the first time and we will still be NOT GREYHOUND. Please try to understand this. It would mean so much to me if you would learn that unless I answer the phone with, “Good Morning. Greyhound”, that I don’t know when the bus to Cleveland leaves. And I don’t know what to do about lost luggage. And I don’t know the price of a roundtrip ticket to Detroit. And we are NOT GREYHOUND!

If you don’t cut it out, I’m going to have to start answering your questions, even though I don’t have a clue. I’ll give you the wrong times, the wrong prices and maybe start taking credit card numbers. Then I’ll jump on my one-way bus ride to Hell. But I’ll enjoy the ride.

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5 comments:

Logical Libby said...

I work for a television station. At least three times a day someone will call POSITIVE they saw something on our station. When we tell them it aired on another station they ask "can you transfer me to them." NOT KIDDING.

bluzdude said...

People don't really listen when they're calling on the phone. Even with answering machines. If they were listening, they would hear that they did NOT reach the house they were looking for, but they leave a message anyway.

My dad used to have a phone number that was one digit off of a movie theater number. He got so sick of the people calling, he just started giving out random showtimes.

So you do have a precedent...

Magpie said...

Once upon a time, I worked for some place that had the same seven digit phone number as a JAIL in a different area code. We got a lot of weird phone calls.

Burgh Baby said...

Growing up, our phone number was one digit off from a church. I heard waaaay more weird late-night confessions than I could have ever imagined, despite the fact that we answered the phone with, "Ourlastname Residence." Amazing.

You should answer a totally different question that what they're answering. Like, "What time is the Cleveland bus?" "I'm sorry, we don't have any cats with extra toes in stock right now."

chasingalittlelion said...

Haha! Oh my!

My cell phone number is one digit off a Chinese take-out place in State College. I get drunk undergrads calling my cell at all hours trying to get food. I used to mess with them. Now it's just old.