Monday, January 30, 2012

An Actual Conversation I Actually Had with an Actual Pizza Shop Employee

Saturday night I got home later than I had planned, so mr b and I decided that instead of cooking, we would order some sandwiches from one of the local pizza shops. The exchange between me, my husband and the pizza shop employee has proven my hypothesis that some people are just too stupid for words. I swear to you - this actually happened!

Me: Hi, I'd like to order a whole mushroom cheesesteak with lettuce, tomatoes and dressing...

Pizza Shop Guy: Ummmm.....

Me: Hello?

PSG: Yeah, um...I'm not finding that on the menu.

Me: Huh?

PSG: Yeah - I don't know what that is.

Me: A cheesesteak.

PSG: Yeah. We don't have that.

Me: ?????

PSG: Hello?

Me: You don't have cheesesteaks? The thing we order all the time?

PSG: I don't see it here.

Me: You do have cheesesteaks.

PSG: Um...OK...what do you want, then?

Me: a whole mushroom cheesesteak with lettuce, tomatoes and dressing...

PSG: Dressing?

Me: Yeah - Italian dressing.

PSG: OK. A salad with steak and dressing and lettuce.

Me: Yeah, and I also need...Wait, what? Not a salad.

PSG: You said dressing.

Me: On my cheesesteak.

PSG: Your what?

Me: Cheesesteak!

PSG: I can't find that on the menu. We don't have that.


PSG (now getting pissy because I am stupid): I'm sorry but it's not on the menu and I don't know what that is!

Me: You don't know what a cheesesteak is?

PSG: It's not on our menu.

Me: It IS on your menu, and it's a sandwich! A Hoagie! With steak and cheese!

PSG": Oh, OK - what do you want on that?

Me: Mushrooms, lettuce, tomatoes and dressing.

PSG: OK, that doesn't come with mushrooms.

Me: I am asking you to put them on! Please!

PSG: Cheese hoagie with lettuce, tomatoes...

Me: NO! Not a cheese hoagie! A cheesesteak hoagie. With mushrooms and lettuce and dressing. And steak and cheese!

PSG: I don't think we have that.


At this point, I handed the phone to mr b so I could get my shoes on, drive down there and beat this jackass senseless.

Mr b: Hello?

PSG: I can't find that on the menu.

Mr b: We order from you guys all the time. You DO have this on the menu.

PSG: I don't think we do.

Mr b: Are you new? Is there someone else that can talk to me?

PSG: If you can hang on for a few minutes.

Mr b: Really? OK - listen - this is what we want: a whole mushroom cheesesteak with lettuce, tomatoes and dressing...

PSG: Um...

Mr b: OMG

PSG: Yeah - I'm not sure if we can make that.

Mr b: Seriously, are you new?

PSG: I'm new here, but I have been in this business for a while.

Mr b & Me: HEADS EXPLODE!!!!!

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KimRader said...

Gotta be new to the STATE if he doesn't know what a cheesesteak is.

bluzdude said...

I think under the circumstances, I'd have to order from somewhere else that night... someplace that better understands English ... like a Mexican restaurant.

Logical Libby said...

Are you sure you weren't being punked? That sounds like a punking...

AM said...

I live in Oklahoma and I know what a cheesesteak. And really how hard is it to ask someone?

tehamy said...

So did you get your steak salad? ;-)

AmyLK said...

In a way that's funny! The newest member of darwin's list..... Hope you got your steak!

vm said...

This is me, posting a comment, that isn't spam, to put a smile on your face.

Also, I'd have invented through-the-phone-bitchslapping if that happened to me.

hello haha narf said...

You starved that night, didn't you?
So sad.

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Michelle said...

I am SO sorry. So very, very sorry. I seriously worry that when we really start teaching to the test in schools and taking away EVERYone's creativity that it will be even worse. Not to depress you further.

Did you actually get your correct order at some point?