The things that
perplexed and/or pissed me off this past week:
At the girl’s soccer tournament
(where she was an absolute BEAST in goal), there was a mom sitting nearby who
was fair skinned & red-haired and looking like a lobster in the sun.
Another mom and I told her she was getting burned and offered her some of our sunscreen, and she said, “Thanks, but I want to burn. I put a bunch of oil on
before I came so I can burn. I like to burn. I never peel or anything – just
burn.” Um…OK? I'm glad you don’t peel or anything. How about skin cancer – do
you get that?
I generally like the soccer
games – you don’t get the drama you have with some of the other sports & activities
(I’m looking at you, cheer), and all the parents get along.
But I can’t say the same for the other teams’ parents. We have had several
games in a row where parents have encouraged their kids to play dirty –
tripping and elbowing, have made fun of and harassed kids on our team, and- my favorite – one mom who actually said she
was going to “punch [one of our seven year old girls] in the fucking face.”
Speaking of cheer drama – the
mom of one girl is insane. She talks shit on everyone, including little girls.
Everyone avoids her like the plague. Her favorite insult is “trash.” She loves
complaining about the trash in town and she was very upset about the trashy
kids who would end up on the team because there were no tryouts for the football
squad. The irony n these statements is that this same woman had photos of
herself on facebook a few years back that would fall right into what I would
categorize as trash. Like, not just nude photos, but Hustler-like photos.
Graphic, actions shot photos. So apparently, I am confused about the definition
of what trash is. Or she is. One of those.
Then, after her daughter didn’t
make it for the competition squad (there were tryouts for that), she unfriended
the moms on facebook whose daughters did and made a grand statement about how
we were all ugly on the inside (and the outside, too), annoying, and we need to
get a grip and stop living through our kids. Um, Pot? Meet Kettle.
We had to take the girl to the
emergency room for x-rays on Saturday evening (nothings broken, but she is
enjoying her crutches nonetheless – crutches are a MUST HAVE in the second
grade circles). Anyway, they were concerned about her growth plates, so we had
to head back to radiology several times during our visit and sit in the tiny
radiology waiting room until it was our turn. One of those times, we had to
share the waiting room with a woman whose son was getting an x-ray. While she
waited, she decided she would eat her big, stinky sandwich. With her mouth
open. While making as many chewing, slurping, licking, chomping sounds as
possible. While dripping ketchup all over the cloth couches in the waiting
room. My favorite part was when the nurse wheeled her son out and stopped
outside the door so she could follow them back to his exam room, she said
(through a full mouth of disgusting, chewed food) “Hold on,“ and proceeded to
put MORE ketchup on her sandwich, then FINISH the sandwich while the nurse and
her son waited n the hallway. She made me feel good about my own parenting.
And speaking of the ER – Lord
help me, but I want to punch those people who bring their kids in for the
On the way home from the
hospital, we stopped for something to eat, since we hadn’t eaten all day and
were starving and as we sat in Steak & Shake, we saw a sight to behold. A
mother and daughter who looked like that crazy tan lady that was just on the
news. I wanted to post a photo, but then
I remembered this:
Forty-sdjhfkjsdhfkjsdh year old mom of 2 - a 15 year old boy and a 8 year old girl. I love them very much, but they drive me crazy. I'm married and work full-time. I'm not sure which of these is the most exhausting, but probably the husband.
I'm opinionated. I'm outspoken. I'm loud. I'm an over-sharer. I think Tom Cruise is a jackass. I like to say jackass. I like to swear, period. Fuckers.
I love to read. I struggle with my weight. I love my job. I dress my pets up and ridicule them regularly. I am not afraid to cut my hair and I don't understand people who are. I hate getting old. I love to laugh. Make me laugh, OK?