I Smell the Smelly Smell of Something That Smells Smelly

I saw a clip from one of the morning shows this week that was talking about odd beauty products and one of the ones they featured was Demeter fragrances. This company has a ton of different scents for reasonable prices. Sounds pretty good, right? So I figured I’d check out the website and see what they had to offer. And boy do they have some doozies.

I’ll admit - some of these are normal fragrances, like lilac or patchouli. But others are “different”. Of those, some are understandable – salt air (Kramer was onto something), or maybe snow (which sounds like it might smell good, but the description says it includes the scent of “dust” and “earth, so I’m not so sure).

And while they are odd, scents like play-doh and crayon are fun, if not particularly wearable. But then it starts getting weird:

Tomato (delightful for eating, but I don’t want to smell like it.

Laundromat (I don’t know what it’s like where you are, but most Laundromats I’ve been to smell like Tide and hangovers – I can get that in my own basement on a Sunday) .

Gin & Tonic (I can smell my friends for that one).

Wet Garden (I imagine this one smells like worms – oh wait – they have one called “Earthworm”, too! Yum)

Dirt (their description says that it “was made to smell exactly like the dirt from the fields around the Pennsylvania family farm belonging to our founding perfumer. “ So…manure, then?).

Cannibis (the motto for this one is “Smell it, don't smoke it.” Now, I don’t know about you but I spent a whole lot of time in college trying to not smell like weed. I think they need to go back to the drawing board and make a perfume that makes weed smell go away. They’d make a mint).

Paint (also known as “headache in a bottle”).

Holy Water (this one would clearly burn if I put it on).

Turpentine (seriously? At $20 an ounce, I’ll pass. If I want to smell like turpentine, I’ll buy a whole quart of it for $8.99).

Tarnish (I don’t even know).

Stable (Sweaty horse. No really – it says right on the description: “sweet animal sweat”).

Funeral Home (No really – FUNERAL HOME. I have never once said “It smells like a funeral home in here” and meant it as a compliment).

Of course, I guess I can’t complain too much about Demeter perfumes, considering there is a company out there that makes scents like “Fat Electrician” and one that has to do with “secretions”, another that makes vagina-scented perfume, and yet another where the creator makes perfume out of HIS OWN SHIT. Delightful.