Tuesday, July 22, 2008

How to go from “I’m so proud of him” to “That little MF-er” in 10 easy steps

1. Pick the boy up from Scout camp. See that he’s all packed already to go. I’m so proud.

2. Listen to him whine about lugging his gear back up the hill to the car. He’s a pain sometimes, but I’m still proud of him. After all, it IS a big hill.

3. Talk about camp on the way home. Find out that he didn’t quite finish a project, because he couldn’t find it. Remind him that if his tent hadn’t been a freaking disaster, that it wouldn’t have been a problem. Still proud, but maybe he’ll learn next time to keep it a little more orderly.

4. Get home and start unpacking his bag. Pull out wet, stinky clothes. WTF? Why did that boy not use the clotheslines to dry his stuff? And what about the laundry bag I gave him? Kids!

5. Wait a minute – whose shirt is this? And this? And these shorts? And these? This is frustrating.

6. Hey! Where did all his sweats and sleep pants go? He doesn’t know, he says. I’ll give him doesn’t know. What the hell. They didn’t get up and walk away. Damn it, I pay good money for his stuff and he doesn’t even care.

7. What? There are definitely clothes missing here. I’m going to kill that kid. Here I am thinking how responsible he was and he comes home with half his shit missing. Son of a bitch. Wait - make that son of a bastard.

8. Oh. My. God. This soap still has sharp edges. It was never used! Duuuude! What the hell did you use to wash yourself? Shampoo?!? OMG!! What the hell is wrong with him???

9. Jackass!!!! Stinky little jackass boy!!! This brand new deodorant isn’t even rolled up!! Does he not care if he stinks??? DO YOU NOT CARE IF YOU STINK?!?!?!?!?

10. Of course, he didn’t use a single washcloth. Of course. Well at least that’s less I have to wash because God knows I have enou. . .wait. . .where are my towels? How could he come home without any towels?? I sent four towels. Four nice, big, fluffy, bath sheet sized towels!! Four, good, very much NOT FREE TOWELS!! And how many came home? ZERO???? MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!

Don’t forget about my contest. I’ll announce the winner some time on Friday and post the answers.

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Irene said...

I am sorry, I know you are seriously pissed, but that is hilarious! I, on the other hand, have a house full of girls. My girls want to shower all the time! So different!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

"Son of a bastard" very seriously made my day. I know you want to choke the little guy, but remind yourself how good he is at helping out when you go places. So what if he stinks when he does it? Yeah. OK. Maybe he does need to work on the deodorant part.

vic said...

Yeah, that's boys on camp. I guess you're lucky he came back with anything at all.
Give it a few weeks and things'll start swapping with the other mums (who are probably all complaining about the same thing right now)

meno said...

oh the memories this brought back.

Looks like all the boys just stuffed things into their bags until it was all packed, without regard to whose stuff was whose.


I am a Tornado ~ proven fact! said...

They are completely HOPELESS without MOM!

Amy said...

So this is what I have to look forward to?? Yikes.