Wednesday, July 23, 2008

It's Emails Like This That Get Me Through The Long, Boring Work Day

Hedge: I just read a news story about some jackass parolees that poured cologne on their passed out friends’ crotch and set him on fire. He got third degree crotch burns. This is why I don't drink and pass out with parolees.

Gina: I have a photo of my friend Dave passed out with his crotch on fire. We used carpet foam, though, so it just sat on top and burned off long enough to get a good pic…

Hedge: Hence the reason you aren't a parolee. You know how to pull off a proper crotch burn.

Gina: Well, I didn’t go to college for nothing. I passed with flying colors the following classes:

Appropriate places to puke
Proper crotch burning 101: How to take hilarious photos of your friends and not kill anyone
Tequila: finding your limits
How to make a pipe/bong out of anything: fruit division
How to make a pipe/bong out of anything: school supplies division
How to make a pipe/bong out of anything: kitchenware division
How to make a pipe/bong out of anything: medical devices division
What to tell your mother when she asks where you were
Casual Sex: a primer

Hedge: I got a 4.0 in being the only girl among my friends that could beer bong 3 beers without as much as a slight gag. All while on my knees wearing a half shirt and mini skirt.

Gina: Niiiice!

Hedge: I wish I could find the pics of that. Just to see myself in a half shirt and mini skirt. You know, I could probably still pull of the beer bong. I was already an expert on the "open throat" concept. That I learned in Fellatio 101.

Don’t forget about my contest. I’ll announce the winner some time on Friday and post the answers.

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Burgh Baby's Mom said...

The homework for that tequila limits class just HAD to be awful. It's such a tenuous line between happy and disaster when you walk with tequila.

Amy said...

hey, we had almost the same curriculum in college! i never did the crotch burning tho.

Hedge said...

ah, I'm tearing up.....

meno said...

You forgot the "How to make a pipe/bong out of anything: toilet paper/paper towel/wrapping paper roll division."

Don't worry, i'll show you sometime. :)

Gina said...

BBM: yes - it was hard work, but I persevered.

Amy: Your friends are probably happy about that!

hedge: I know, me too.

meno: Don't worry - that was the prerequisite for the other courses - along with the aluminum foil division.

Allison Says said...

HAHAHA that was just amazing. Crotch burning? Awesome.

Karen said...

You've now inspired me to go burn a crotch just for the photographic kicks.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I'm a loser and can't find your email address. Can you hook me up?