Thursday, May 22, 2008

Free George Michael!

So I watched American Idol last night and the biggest reaction I had all night was, “What the holy HELL happened to George Michael?”

Because the George Michael I know – the Former Future I Don’t Care If He’s Gay Mr. Gina looked like this:

And yet last night, someone obviously pretending to be George Michael because he did not look like that showed up on American Idol, hoping we’d all believe that it was the real George Michael. Well, I’ll tell you this, Mr. Pretend Former Future I Don’t Care If He’s Gay Mr. Gina – I am on to you. You’re not fooling me. I am hip to your jive! (and clearly, very, very old, because “hip to your jive?”). But even though I am very, very old, I am still not falling for your bad impersonation. You can sound like him all you want, but I know you have the real Former Future I Don’t Care If He’s Gay Mr. Gina locked in your basement. And to that I say, “Free George Michael!” In the meantime, I’ll be over at Bravo watching the new Future I Don’t Care If He’s a Prick Mr. Gina Bourdain:

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Also:
Dear Miss Carrie Underwood,
Seriously? That is what you’re wearing tonight? No, seriously? For real? Are you taking advice from Paula? Because she’s about one gin and oxycontin smoothie away from the nuthouse. So you should really get some help with that wardrobe. I’ll bet George Michael could help you.
Love, Gina
P.S. The real George Michael, not that fake one that was there last night.

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Last night they showed a couple of girls in the audience wearing “Team David” shirts. You tell me: Playing Both Sides or Not The Brightest Bulbs In The Chandelier?

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As for the American Idol results, I think the right guy won. Little David has a lovely voice, but I can’t imagine actually buying anything he records. Or leaving the radio on when they play something he records. Or listening to a radio station that would actually play something he recorded. But to each his own. Mr. Archuleta, meet Mr. Aiken.

Giant Head David, however, I could actually listen to. But he creeps me out a little. He reminds me of someone I used to date. A guy who was a on and off boyfriend for years – on because I had deep feelings for him and had a great time with him. Off because the sexual attraction wasn’t all there and always felt a little creepy and just wrong. That’s how David Cook affects me – one minute I think, he’s kind of sexy, and the next, I throw up a little in my mouth and feel dirty and ashamed. But then I get over it because – let’s be honest – I went to college and I’m used to that by now.

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4 comments:

allisonsays.com said...

I didn't watch American Idol, and in fact have only seen one episode ever, but all the same: The one episode I saw I SWOONED over the little David's voice...but you are right, I would never buy an album of his. He should be in musicals, playing the young man who wins his woman's heart after singing her a beautiful love song.

And "Team David?" Are you kidding? Whether that was on purpose or they are just not too bright, either way it's just not okay.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I watched AI exactly once this year, and last night was it. The whole George Michael thing made me nauseous.

Go, team David! Heh.

Colleen said...

came by way of karen (rocking pony)...and I agree about George Michael...WTH? I though he looked like comedian Mitch Hedberg instead of the yummy he used to be (http://www.mitchhedberg.net/). Thought hot celebs weren't supposed to get old...

Anonymous said...

Ey Gina, you look like a fat cow yourself, so what´s your fucking problem ugly bitch