Saturday, May 24, 2008

The Future Mrs. Ginas

I went to the Burgh mom meet last night and had more fun than I have had in a long time. It was so nice to get together with this group of smart, sweet, funny, crazy sexy women. And I tell you, as soon as polygamous, non-sexual lesbian marriage becomes available here in PA, I am so ready!

We met at a local restaurant/brewery (Dear Beer – Oh how I have missed you – Love, Gina). Here’s how each of our arrivals went:

Hostess (after she talked to her girlfriend for 3 minutes while ignoring customers): “Can I help you?”

Burgh mom: “Yes – I'm meeting a group of people, but I don’t know the name on the reservation.”

Hostess: “Hmmpphh…the person making the reservation should really tell you these things.”

Burgh Mom: (thinking) Bite me.

Happily, we all managed to find each other, despite having never met, not remembering names and only seeing sad little photos on each other’s profiles. Dinner was great and the company was even better. Our waiter, bless his heart [this is where those of you who have ever a) had a grandma, b) met a grandma, or c) are from the south know that something is coming, since you can say anything about a person as long as you preface it with “bless his heart”]. Anyway, our waiter - bless his heart – was an idiot. He spilled every drink he brought to the table. The first being a glass of wine that he actually dropped on the floor, soaking several people in the process. After that, he splashed every drink he set down, forgot things, disappeared for ages, screwed up checks, and actually fell down at one point. Sadly, the latter was done out of our photographic reaches. Because you know that would have totally been my new page header.

It was a great time and I can’t wait to do it again. Everyone was really nice and at least a couple of them didn’t even find me entirely trashy and repulsive. I think – for all I know, they went home and cried themselves to sleep over the horribleness that was me and my big mouth and my bad language and my completely batshit crazy confusions of Japanese and Spanish. Ladies, I swear, I’m not as redneck as that made me sound (“All a them dang foreigners is the same – pass the pork rinds, Bubba”). Really, I’m just stupid.

Here are the Burgh moms (also known as the future Mrs. Ginas):

Here are the Burgh moms with really creepy baby eyes:

Two of my future wives ordered carrot cake and were served scary, giant, freak show sized slabs of it. I didn’t get photos, because who wants a photo of themselves shoveling scary, giant, freak show sized slabs of cake in their face? But I did preserve it in this incredibly lifelike drawing:

The only bad side of the night was when I left and my gas tank was empty so I headed to the GetGo. But what the holy hell – they were closed! Because it makes perfect sense that the convenience store/gas station in the center of one of the most crowded, busiest areas in the city would be closed. On a Friday night. Genius! So I had to head to the next nearest station, which is located in a not-so-great area of town. But hey – I’m a big girl – it’s not a problem. But I pull up and discover that the mini-mart is completely empty and the gas station is now being run out of a trailer. A trailer on blocks.

Then I came home to discover that my previously unmentioned “ant situation” had reached Terror Alert: Orange

Also - the stupid cat spent the next 2 hours refusing to shut his stupid mousehole!

But all in all, it was a great night.

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Jennifer said...

okay so my recap of last night will never compare to yours, you captured it perfectly. Especially the waiter, poor stupid boy. LOVE THE CREEPY BABY EYES! lol You rock :)

Irene said...

Hi Gina! It was a great time! And yes, we definitely need to do it again. And thanks again for your gift bags! Those were so sweet!

I got completely lost trying to get out of that place. I didn't know where the hell I was going. But eventually, I made it home safe and sound. I made my husband talk to me on the phone to keep me awake.

Love your photos and artwork! Yes, that cake was insane.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I'm nearly falling off the couch because I'm laughing so hard. Well that, and obviously I have a ginormous head that is WAY too big for my naked body.

You rock, how smokin' hawt thing with creepy eyes!

Long live the Japanese Spaniards!

karen said...

It was absolutely wonderful to meet you! What a great time, even though I bailed early. (Darn that commute!)

Did I miss a great story from you? Or are you referring to the side-splitting hooker hoe-down?

Colleen said...

the creepy baby eyes are hysterical! at least your pic won't give me nightmares like BBM and her obsession with creepy baby dolls!

I bet your waiter was so overwhelmed by all the hotness going on at your table that he just couldn't even walk right!

pam said...

I guess I'm going to have to move to Pennsylvania so I can be part of the cool kids' group!! Sounds like a blast.

Susan at One-Woman Show said...

Oh. My. God. I have no words to add here. Only a lot of laughing. If I ever get married again, remind me never to hire you for photo retouching.

Seriously, this was so much fun. Can't wait to do it again!

Anonymous said...

AH! It was SO great meeting you on Friday. And the creepy eye picture is awesome! So is the drawing of the cake.

I loved the earrings, and wore them on Saturday night when I went out to dinner!

Hopefully we can meet again!

Anonymous said...

I have been reading all these stories and laughing my head off.

I will be linking to them on my site once I tell my story of last Friday.

And you can marry each of these lovely ladies any time you would like. If you will concede to me a dirty one-night stand.

Thank you.

red pen mama